Yay, Team: Part 3; Playoff Edition

Football's so grate cause'a the outfits!

When stamped by patriarchy AND recession, it is up to us as Ladies and Patriarchs to develop our own modes of maintaining composure, amusement, and levity when continually thrown into employment situations that are heinous, inane and inconsistent. We like to think this is where professional sports truly serve their purpose. 


January is a rather exciting time for football - an entire month of playoffs! As the Lady has worked hard to distract herself with enjoy the pageantry and human drama of football, she has become partial to a few teams, thusly making her loyalty steadfast and unwavering and a pleasant distraction from the persistent stamping. 


The Lady presents her fabricated biases for this playoff weekend (and hopes to maintain her readership)*:

Arizona Cardinals vs. New Orleans Saints

The Lady says: Hmm. This is tough. Such divergent geographical locations.  Grand Canyon vs. French Quarter. McCain vs. Nagin. Bird vs. Mystical Catholic Symbol. There's really no easy split. Who to Root for?

My Fabricated Drama:  Hmm. Well from what the Lady knows about Kurt Warner - he's old. Old QB's usually need a win or a championship as redemption before they hang up their mouth guards. Last year was their chance but the Steelers sure stuck it to them. Warner's back up QB is Matt Leinart : a Paris Hilton/Nice Lachey lovin' SC grad so smarmy that fellow alum Petros Papadakis can't stand him. (The Lady, despite her Bruin roots, kinda loves Petros). As far as N'awlins - that Southern drawl can be down right intoxicating. The Lady has no additional cultural pinpoints other than a giant fleur de lis - the emblem of her beloved all girl's Catholic High School. Wait, now I'm starting to feel bad - I haven't been to church in a while. Catholic guilt creeping up..suffocating..visions of saints.....only one way to go!

The Lady's Team:  New Orleans! If only for the beignets and feeling bad about being born!

Baltimore Ravens vs. Indianapolis Colts

The Lady says: The Wire was the best show to ever be on TV. EVER. It was about Baltimore. John Waters is from Baltimore, but his cultural importance is wildly overrated (Divine eating dog poop just doesn't smack of high art to the Lady). One of Tori Amos' first real songs was about Baltimore. But those Indy colors ARE crisp, and it's so hard not to like self-effacing Peyton Manning and his giant forehead, even if you'll never order DirecTV. Raven vs. Horse. Who to root for?


Fabricated Drama: Yes, the Wire was amazing but it's also #85 on this list. It also didn't make me want to move there. And while Step-Paternal Patriarch loves few things, he does love the Manning Brothers and often muses how proud Archie Manning must be of his sons. Additionally, SPP is actually from Indiana, so the bandwagon aspect of his love affair would be non-applicable.


The Lady's Team: Indianapolis! Hipster proclivities be damned! The Lady cannot win a Superbowl for her SPP, but she can throw her loyalty to the Colts. Go Peyton!

Dallas Cowboys vs. Minnesota Vikings

The Lady says: Cowboy vs. Viking - has a rather epic feel to it, right? Dusty lone heroes vs. pelted warriors with hearty beards. Big Hair vs. Icy Lakes. Romo vs. Farvre. Two states were Football is paramount either due to inclement weather or boredom. This is big. Who to root for?

Fabricated Drama: I have little point of reference for the Dallas Cowboys. Texas is often maligned, and all the Lady really knows is that Romo was dating Jessica Simpson for a long time. Poor J.Simp. Often in ill fitting clothing, consistently the butt of tabloid attacks. Will she ever find love? Is she destined to be her generation's Jennifer Aniston, while her sister manages to get married to some mascara'd loser and name her child Mowgli?! Was it even fair that the masses blamed Jess' influence for some rough games where Romo bombed it? The Lady doesn't like it. It's not Jessica's fault she was born to a creepy Southern Opportunistic Slimy Manager Minister who liked to talk about her breasts in order to market her 16 year old singing "career"! And now she's dating Billy Corgan? How do you go from Lachey to Mayer to Romo to Mayer to Corgan??!! But I digress. The Lady loves 80s' drama and Big Hair, but Ladies should not be thrown under the bus by angry Texas Football fans for their QB's shortcomings, even if said Lady didn't know where tuna came from. Additionally, The Lady has stated in a previous post her bandwagon/girl power loyalty to Brett Farvre. She only recently learned of this fellow, who also reminds her of this. The choice has been made!

The Lady's Team: Minnesota! Cowboys just can't compete with Vikings. Le Sigh, the Lady does have a nice cushioned seat on the Minnesota Bandwagon.

New York Jets vs. San Diego Chargers

The Lady Says: Fantastic! Emblems from.....THE FUTURE!  Futuristic Jet vs. Lighting Bolt. Navy Town vs. The Center of the World. The Lady's ready to chew this one up and spit it out. Here we go!

Fabricated Drama: Fabricated? Oh, this drama is very real! The Lady's freshman year roommate is from San Diego and an incredibly avid fan. Domestic Patriarch has an incredible affection for San-Dog due to his Naval time. Fraternal Patriarch still lives in San Diego after a glorious tenure at UCSD and would love love love a trip to the SuperBowl. Their QB is Phil Rivers, which always makes me think of Rivers Cuomo - and who doesn't love Weezer?! Their powder blue and goldenrod color scheme is just close enough to UC colors to make the Lady's  Luc Richard Mba A Moute UCLA jersey completely appropriate. OH, and have you seen THIS?! Please SD, never, ever ever update that. How can the Jets compete? Beloved Indian friend lives in NYC, but she doesn't particularly care about football. Beloved Cousin is an NYC fan but of the Giants Variety. Named the Jets because they at one point played near LaGuardia? Kinda weak. And I won't say that their rookie QB Mark Sanchez is a Philanthropist, or anything like that, but it is nice to see him stick it to his former coach who claimed he was going nowhere fast. It's always nice to see young bucks stick it to the Patriarchy (ie. "The Man"). Who to root for?

The Lady's Team: San Diego Super Chargers San Diego Super Chaaaaaaargers! The Jets need better personnel, superior Disco-Inspired theme song, and some powder blue to ever garner the Lady's Love. She is fickle indeed, but such is the world of pro-sports. Go BOLTS!

*Disclaimer: The Lady is naturally team oriented in all her ways be they professional, personal or athletic. She encourages readers to not take offense to any of her explanations, but to merely use them as a stepping stone for their own personal biases so that football might be better tolerated for Ladies everywhere!  Sidecars for everyone!