\Happy New Year, Lovers! Let's raise our Martini Glasses as we kick 2009 to the curb and bask in the glorious potential that is 2010! The Lady is revived and refreshed, and as the reining domestic champion of "Cranium", considers herself utterly unstoppable!
Domestic Patriarch and the Lady kicked off the first film of 2010 with the fascinating documentary Marjoe from 1974. Marjoe Gortner got his name when his parents smartly combined the name "Mary and Joseph" and set him on the path to being the youngest Evangelist ever. He even married a couple at the age of 4. We get to watch old ladies get the vapors and people speak in tongues while Marjoe prances around each venue like Mick Jagger, blithering nonsense and working up a sweat.
The story is fascinating, mostly because Marjoe (maybe in his 30s by the time he did this documentary) used the film as a vehicle to announce that he was a fraud. He discusses in detail how he plays a crowd and the business of religion. The relationship between Marjoe and his flock it's a strangely symbiotic - we're told it's not real, but the power of persuasion gets plenty of people fainting on the floor and swooning with God's grace. Seemed to me to be the age old idea that if you want something to be true badly enough, you can be persuaded to believe it is. I don't wish to draw judgement on deeply religious people, but that idea is what I gathered if Marjoe is to say he is a performer rather than a believer.
I didn't gather Marjoe was a bad person - this life was the only one he knew. I was impressed with his honesty and the moral realization to come clean, but I am left with so many questions - do these leaders need to believe what they preach if their followers need it anyway? I can't answer that question though it does smack of creepy when they ask little old ladies to take their wallets out. I don't know. What I do know, that at the very least, is that Marjoe's followers are in deep, serious search for something real and powerful, which makes them inherently vulnerable. Thinking about that vulnerability prompted the Lady to scratch her head, without of course ruining her beehive hairdo.
The Lady stepped out on job searching towards the end of December. Some may recall this entry which really prompted her to check out during the Holiday Season. Delightful Melinda has been dutifully stalking me ever since with helpful advice to get her $400 from me as quickly as possible.
Here is a breakdown of her correspondence to me over the past few weeks, as I've not written one word, Ladylike or otherwise in return:
12/11: Subject line: Regarding your Resume on Jobfox.com
Initial critique : The Lady, initially appalled, giggles. Sees that she has the option to give Miss Melinda $400 up front, or installments of $70/month with a litany of services at my disposal. It's Christmas, so that's not happening. 12/14: Subject Line: Marie, About Your Resume Critique
Most Incendiary Line: I fear that you won't get called for interviews and I really want to help. The Lady, though occasionally optimistic about human nature, is not such a babe in the woods that blatant fear mongering will relieve her of $400. Besides, as of January 5th the only employers who have "Found" me are insurance salesmen insisting that I've got what it takes to sell life insurance to seniors citizens.
12/17: Subject Line: Marie, A Hiring Manager's Perspective
Most Incendiary Line: As A Hiring Manager, I've looked at a lot of resumes. Many of them are OK, but only a few of them are really good, and have captured my attention. And I remember some of them because they presented the candidate so well - both in content and visually - that they immediately made it to my YES! stack......A full jobfox resume package plus a customized cover letter runs $399 or 6 monthly installments of $69.95.
Which is why even the cheapest of companies offer their employees hundreds of dollars for successful referrals. The Lady is not optimistic that anonymous searching will relieve her of this life of leisure. She has a sneaking suspicion it just might be connections, networking, and false eyelashes
12/21: Marie, Just checking in
Most Incendiary Line: We generally don't offer this special promotion because our resume writing service is already a great deal! The discount is 10% and applies only to the one-time payment plan. I thought I would reach out to you.
Fear didn't work, but perhaps Lady-to-Lady she'll appreciate a good sale! Four days before Christmas and I'm asked to save $40. And by the way, the discount is only good until 5pm on December 22nd. Act now! As of this juncture, I'm impressed at her persistence, and delight in the chipping away of this golden offer. Can we do better than $40?
12/28: Reach for the Stars, Marie
Most Incendiary Line: I like this time of year. Not just because I get to spend time with family and friends but because we get a fresh start. When the clock hits January 1, a new year begins. It's an optimistic time of year because we set up new goals and we try to REACH FOR THE STARS!.....If you purchase between now and December 31st we'll take 15% off and throw in an interchangeable Thank you note at no additional cost.
Who IS this Lady!? Is her heart black? Is she miserly? Perhaps images of Thomas Kinkade will loosen her money bag? How do I REACH the LADY!? Well, this Lady doesn't do well with cliches, let alone "Reach for the Stars". She might as well have said she's "over the moon" to help me out! And if someone can't cobble together their own thank you note, the Lady might be at a loss for words.
1/5: Dream Big, Marie
Most Incendiary Line: Now that the holidays are over, it's time to get back to business. And by business, I mean making sure you're ready for one of the biggest hiring months of the season......if you purchase a resume re-write by January 10th, we'll take 20% off!!!
For the record, DP has remarked that my resume, while hardly perfect, is far from a mess. The Lady couldn't help but feel that so many emails from Miss Melinda around the holiday season smacks of her desperation that my fear, stupidity, miserliness, optimism or possible love of my family might get the better of me. I do wonder how others might react in a more desperate situation should they actually believe that without Melinda they literally will be missing out on interviews because they can't be found!
So from here on out I'm inclined to call my new best friend Melinda, the one who's constantly looking out for me - Marjoe. To all fellow Ladies and Patriarchs still looking, do your best to keep your vulnerability at bay, for it can be smelt a mile away through cyberspace and beyond. Be smart, be scrappy, keep your chin up and keep your gut instinct handy during every second of the hunt for employment - for you too might just encounter a Melinda in Marjoe clothing.
I'm glad you can find happiness in the fact that you obviously kept food out of Melinda's starving children this holiday season. Obviously anything would have helped, and you chose to say bah-humbug to her offer of sisterly love during this holiday season.
ReplyDeleteCouldn't you hear her cry for help?? I do believe I've read enough. Good day to you Lady.
Writing form letters and sending them out to hundreds of people does take a lot of time and effort. Maybe the Lady should start her own internet Ponzi scheme!
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