Why Hello Lady! I'm music mogul and fashion magnate Russell Simmons! May I show you my Amex?!
The Lady applied for an ideal job at the corporate HeadQuarters of one of our Nation's leading purveyors of overpriced and sugar laden coffees. This particular employer posted their listings exclusively with Yahoo! Hotjobs. Since applying, I have been bombarded with a slew of email ostensibly intended to aid me in my quest - why else would they require my email address on file? Surely for hungry employers that might feast mightily on the meaty goodness that is my resume (maybe not).
I thought I'd share some in case you need any of these services:
- A Russell Simmons American Express Card
- A Handicap Van
- Photos of Singles living in Hawthorne
- Photos of Christian Singles living in Hawthorne
- Photos of Christian Single Parents living in Hawthorne (touchdown!)
- Cialis
- Percocet
- Adderoll
- Viagra
- Ritalin
- Power WheelChair
- Reverse Mortgage
- Doctoral Degree (discipline not specified)
- Pergo Flooring
- Hair Restoration
- Blood Banking
- A Corporation in Nevada
- A Road to Recovery (Sender: Alcoholism)
The Lady understands the nature of spam, but she can't help but marvel at the sheer variety of opportunities that have come my way under the auspices of job hunting! Perhaps coasting on some pergo floors in an alcohol/percocet haze the night before banking my blood and two nights before flying to Nevada with my Single Christian Parent boyfriend to start my bunny ranch corporation just might be a piece the innovative entrepreneurial spirit that the Lady has been searching for since April 2009!
Brilliant. Now where's my wheelchair?
I definitely need some blood, hair, and viagra, to be enjoyed from the comfort of my own power wheelchair, paid for by a reverse mortgage.
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