Stamped by Cat People!

There are some things a woman doesn't want other women to understand 

- Simone Simon as Irena Dubrovna in "Cat People"

As the Lady completes six blessed months of returning to the workforce, she's been wont to reconsider the nature of what's stamping her on any particular day. Goodness knows it's always something!

It's possible that my superior probably should have questioned my feline vs. canine proclivities during the interview process. What I've discovered is that nothing makes the Lady drift into a reverie faster than an indepth discussion about multi-tiered cat trees.

Job Searching with Charles Bukowksi: Godot Edition

I think that's the wrong Bukowski

"It's best to take walks late at night. It's best to do your business only on Mondays and Tuesdays. It's best to sit in a small room with the shades down and wait." - Charles Bukowski

Meanwhile, here's your daily dose of Spongebob:

"Forts win wars Squidward"

The Lady is not permitted to walk in scary Del Aire late at night, though she does have enough decorative pillows to build a formidable fort. When you're stamped you can never be too careful.

Why do I get the notion that igoogle's "Literary Quote of the Day" might be taking said quotes just a wee mite out of context?

PSA: Fat Varmint Edition

Hickamore, Hackamore on the King's Kitchen Door. All the King's horses and all the King's Men couldn't get Hickamore Hackamore off the King's Kitchen Door.

A Shortstack update.....

Firstly, The Lady is infinitely grateful to still be employed. It takes little more than a new lipstick or cocktail to remind her of those challenging days of.....5 months ago. I feel very fortunate.

However, I'd like to offer a bit of clarity to those searching and those kindly folks who must observe their friends or family go through this difficult and mind-numbing time:

I'm pretty sure Domestic Patriarch was convinced my life was like THIS. 

Which is great, because every time he came home to see me slumped on my side of the couch with a face full of Pringles, it was actually more like THIS.

But most days were kinda like this.  

That's when even the most industrious of squirrels need an adequate supply of wine, chocolate, best friends, and bad movies from the 80s. Then the quest doesn't seem so bad at all!

Friends I've Made: Baby Edition

We interrupt this blog for BREAKING NEWS - 

Babies Love Knitted Pups!

I have Proof!

Let's Hope We Never Go Through This Again....

 

But, but you guys are my friends!

Why, hello!

The Lady is easing her way back, having gone through a litany of strange adventures lately - how to sum up many weeks worth of fried green tomatoes, Floridian swamps, Adrian Zmed and Grey Dawn? I'm still workin' on it.......

Tragically (or rather, melodramatically), I've returned to the somewhat disheartening news that SOAPNET will be leaving my beloved TV Lineup, to make way for more kid friendly viewing. How on earth "Days of Our Lives" did not pass muster for the 4 year old demographic, I'll never understand. Fraternal Patriarch certainly never suffered as a result of watching Stefano trap Marlena in a Parisian sewer in the summer of '93. As for the year of demonic possession, I plead the 5th.

Friends I've Made: A Friend is a Friend Til the End of the End

                                                                   

A new friend somehow found his way to the lady's Del Aire estate just in time for Easter! That's a heck of a red eye from Shanghai!  The Lady almost went certifiably insane while attempting to finish him up on Holy Saturday upon realizing that she'd sewed this Panda's nose, mouth and eyes to his bum! But he turned out thoroughly charming and full of cock-eyed character. He'll set up his homestead down south with Fraternal Patriarch and his Lady. In the spirit of this blog, we hope this Panda finds himself with employment  to make the world a better place. 

And now a brief update on Eco-Pup. He faithfully resides with the kindest of couples at their WestSide Chalet - he clearly is not too good to bestow some kindess when it's merited to his former owners:

  On the left is proud and tired Domestic Patriarch after his long quest to finish the LA Marathon. On the Right is Eco-pup helping him rest. A kind and goodly pup if ever there was one.

Recession Watch: At least it's 2010 Edition

"The Shrimp Girl" or "The Saleswoman of Crabs" was on a Yemeni postage stamp in 1969. 

The Lady is a lover of all things beautiful - chief of these is the study of art! I present to you the silliest name in all of art history - "The Shrimp Girl".

I like this Lady - she's buxom, happy to be storing clams and musssls in her giant hat while wearing a joyfully blank expression!  Maybe being a "Shrimp" girl makes me chuckle due to the Lady's own small stature. Maybe I relate to her cheerily vacant look (despite her fishy life) since it takes little more than a cupcake and new lipstick to make the Lady equally as happy?  Or perhaps she's just got a streak of 13 year old boy in her psyche to not giggle like a fool at being a purveyor of crabs (heh).   

For those who feel life is burdensome....Hippie Edition

 A Pink Lady to celebrate your Friday Afternoon - so much tastier after a good week of work!

The Lady has just discovered  igoogle's "Literary Quote of the Day":

"I really would like to stop working forever - never work again, never do anything like the kind of work I'm doing now - and do nothing but write poetry and have leisure....Just a literary and quiet city-hermit existence." - Allen Ginsberg

Join the club, Ginsberg! Your discomfort might be linked to why it's called "work" - and why the Lady will never be a beat poet. Unfortunately this city girl isn't ready to liberate herself from the fiscal enslavement that is integral to the joys of Cost Plus Wine, new shoes and Netflix.

Thank heavens that I also have access to the Spongebob Squarpants Quote Generator! Today's offering:

Squidward: What can i get ya, stranger?

SpongeBuck: Gimme a shot.....of milk. 

Squidward: Milk?

SpongeBuck: Two percent

Squidward: You think you can handle it?

Ah, much better. Who's Spongebuck?

SSC: Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

 

 H-O-T-T

This fantastic contribution to cinema certainly represents a different approach when it comes to job searching that the Lady had not yet considered. Lo, had the Lady not been stamped by her Domestic Patriarch, perhaps she too might have an opportunity to sail across the ocean, performing an elaborate series of 3 minute songs with more production value than Fantasmic! What a fabulous life - seducing old men named "Piggy", carousing with the Olympic swim team, not to mention shimmying with Algerian gypsy children in Fez Hats while I bemoan my own destitution.

WHERE TO BEGIN!? At the beginning, of course!

Stamped! Fox 11 NewsBreak Edition!

Though the Lady has returned to the Big City Life, she has not forgotten her philanthropic endeavors. She still supports the notion of better living through fancy hats, Earl Gray, learning, self-respect, appreciation of others, and tea sandwiches.

Click HERE for a fantastic primer on all that's good and wonderful about the Crown Jewel Club.

The Song Remains the Same

Hi There! I'm actor John Cusack, here to warn you to NOT doubt the power of the mixtape. Otherwise, you too might up in a project called "Hot Tub Time Machine'.  Just Sayin.

The Lady is delighted to announce that she is on the precipice of her first month of employment since April 2009! She couldn't be happier - Domestic Patriarch is happily sipping his Tom Collins in gratitude, and the Lady is back to purchasing as many scarves and pancake makeup as her new salary might allow!

It's a remarkable adventure, returning to the workforce - crimson lipstick and all. Best of all the Lady has a brand new commute - I've retired the carefree ocean waves for the hustle and bustle of downtown Anytown, USA! It's a gorgeous ride, and as such I've moved from the oppressive jabbering of morning time radio in favor of books on tape, podcasts, and the beloved, hallowed mixtape of yesteryear.

I decided, in the spirit of renewal, to clean the beloved Accord named Harold. In the depths of his compartments I found a curious CD, enscribed in the Lady's own writing (and I quote), "MISC - AWESOME!". I had absolutely no recollection of the formulation of this mix. I popped the disc in the player, and was quite proud. Though, I am curious, dear readers - if this mix merits "AWESOME".

I humbly request that my lovely readers....make the call!

Footprints

 

One night I sat on my kitchen floor cleaning my roomba.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the pink rug of my floor as I cleaned my roomba, removing the paneling and latches to dust every nook and cranny; insisting that reading the instructions were not necesary. 

Spam: Def Jam Edition

Why Hello Lady! I'm music mogul and fashion magnate Russell Simmons! May I show you my Amex?!

The Lady applied for an ideal job at the corporate HeadQuarters of one of our Nation's leading purveyors of overpriced and sugar laden coffees. This particular employer posted their listings exclusively with Yahoo! Hotjobs. Since applying,  I have been bombarded with a slew of email ostensibly intended to aid me in my quest - why else would they require my email address on file? Surely for hungry employers that might feast mightily on the meaty goodness that is my resume (maybe not).

 I thought I'd share some in case you need any of these services:

Recession Inspired Entrepreneurial Spirit

The Lady has advocated an entrepreneurial approach to job hunting and any new and exciting possibilities throughout the course of this cyberspace journal.  A dash of PETA and indisputable feminine wiles has got to make some sort of business venture out of this.

Friends I've Made: Unlikely Buddies

Eco Pup arrived in Del Aire right after New Year's. He's delightfully sustainable! 

Here's Eco-Pup from the opposite side. Best friend and wifey of Domestic Patriarch have taken this boy under their West Side Wings. I'm sure they've already bought him his own copy of "Into the Wild", Trader Joe's approved doggy snacks and the nicest bed in the house!

Then, rather inexplicably, a piglet and a penguin dressed as Batman showed up. 

Get.It.On.: Musical Interlude Edition

For the love of betsy, enjoy This Musical interlude. Sure the electric organ and trumpet sections are bangin' but the Lady does love a good stock photography montage.

The Lady credits her faithful allegiance to Adam Carolla for enlightening her to Chase, Arthur Brown, and Hocus Pocus by Focus. She's better off for it.

And hey, it's a good way to cool your jets, throttle back, chillax and calm down before firing off that next resume! Enjoy!

Yay, Team: Part 3; Playoff Edition

Football's so grate cause'a the outfits!

When stamped by patriarchy AND recession, it is up to us as Ladies and Patriarchs to develop our own modes of maintaining composure, amusement, and levity when continually thrown into employment situations that are heinous, inane and inconsistent. We like to think this is where professional sports truly serve their purpose. 


January is a rather exciting time for football - an entire month of playoffs! As the Lady has worked hard to distract herself with enjoy the pageantry and human drama of football, she has become partial to a few teams, thusly making her loyalty steadfast and unwavering and a pleasant distraction from the persistent stamping. 


The Lady presents her fabricated biases for this playoff weekend (and hopes to maintain her readership)*:

Recession Watch: What Not To Wear Edition

 "Man Holding Hamburgers"

The Lady has never been much of a size-ist, but she always insists that everyone wear what fits. Weight Management can be tricky for everyone. 

However, during a lovely Recession-inspired Sunday meal at "The Habit", the Lady and Domestic Patriarch observed a particularly unforgivable fashion faux pas:

If your gut hangs below your shirt, you either need a new shirt or a new gut. 

Just sayin'. 

Marjoe & Melinda : Reaching for the Stars

\

Happy New Year, Lovers! Let's raise our Martini Glasses as we kick 2009 to the curb and bask in the glorious potential that is 2010! The Lady is revived and refreshed, and as the reining domestic champion of "Cranium", considers herself utterly unstoppable! 


Domestic Patriarch and the Lady kicked off the first film of 2010 with the fascinating documentary Marjoe from 1974. Marjoe Gortner got his name when his parents smartly combined the name "Mary and Joseph" and set him on the path to being the youngest Evangelist ever. He even married a couple at the age of 4. We get to watch old ladies get the vapors and people speak in tongues while Marjoe prances around each venue like Mick Jagger, blithering nonsense and working up a sweat. 


The story is fascinating, mostly because Marjoe (maybe in his 30s by the time he did this documentary) used the film as a vehicle to announce that he was a fraud. He discusses in detail how he plays a crowd and the business of religion. The relationship between Marjoe and his flock  it's a strangely symbiotic - we're told it's not real, but the power of persuasion gets plenty of people fainting on the floor and swooning with God's grace. Seemed to me to be the age old idea that if you want something to be true badly enough, you can be persuaded to believe it is. I don't wish to draw judgement on deeply religious people, but that idea is what I gathered if Marjoe is to say he is a performer rather than a believer.


I didn't gather Marjoe was a bad person - this life was the only one he knew. I was impressed with his honesty and the moral realization to come clean,  but I am left with so many questions - do these leaders need to believe what they preach if their followers need it anyway? I can't answer that question though it does smack of creepy when they ask little old ladies to take their wallets out. I don't know. What I do know, that at the very least, is that Marjoe's followers are in deep, serious search for something real and powerful, which makes them inherently vulnerable. Thinking about that vulnerability prompted the Lady to scratch her head, without of course ruining her beehive hairdo. 


The Lady stepped out on job searching towards the end of December. Some may recall this entry which really prompted her to check out during the Holiday Season. Delightful Melinda has been dutifully stalking me ever since with helpful advice to get her $400 from me as quickly as possible. 


Here is a breakdown of her correspondence to me over the past few weeks, as I've not written one word, Ladylike or otherwise in return: