Yay,Team! Part Two or How to Care: Fabrication Edition

Sigh. Sometimes I don't even know who to root for. I bet YOU wish you had something to do during football games!

It's another lovely November Saturday all over the world. Babies are being born, flowers are blooming, the sweet smell of apple pie is wafting through Anytown, U.S.A.

And somewhere, a team of 100 kids are getting ready to be knocked around to the delight of the unwashed masses on another Game Day Weekend!

The Lady doesn't purport to care about ALL of Football but sometimes the Patriarchy is relentless in its passion for the game, worst of all ProBall. Lest the Matriarchy faint from boredom, lack of mental stimulation or simple confusion, The Lady returns with another guide with which to sift through any given weekend in Autumn:

We Ladies love drama.  Therefore, one must take what they know about the game in question and create a reason to root for one team and shun another - Sounds dangerously close to real life, wouldn't you say?

EXAMPLE: Buffalo Bills vs. New England Patriots. 

You Say: I'm a Lady from say, Denver or Los Angeles. Why would I care about either team?

Your Fabricated Drama : Well Domestic Patriarch's best friend's extended family is from Buffalo. He considers himself a native even though he grew up entirely in Alta Dena, and I do the same thing about being from New Jersey. I love DP's best friend therefore I will root for the Bills! But WAIT! that cad Tom Brady, the Pats' QB had the nerve! The very Nerve! to dump lovely Natasha from "Sex and the City" practically hours before she had their out of wedlock unborn son in order to vamp around with that tart Giselle Bunchen who's coming off a long relationship with Leonardo DiCaprio and for the love of all that's holy hasn't God bestowed enough good luck on that tall skinny Brazilian supermodel that she needs to ransack another woman's man who's a slimeball anyway? It's downright GALLING I tell you!

Your Team (for today): BUFFALO BILLS, hands down. We women must have standards, n'est-ce pas?

Example: Boston College vs. UNC

You Say: But I'm loyal to the Pac-10 and from Central Washington. Why would I care about either team?

Your Fabricated Drama: Your cousin, who lives in the same town, and you have had a bitter love/hate relationship for years so you choose to passive aggressively communicate in clipped phrases on Facebook. She went to Boston College just because her parents could afford it instead of the better local public university that you both got into and you've had to hear for years about how sweet the East Coast was which made you roll your eyes and cringe for the past 10+ years. But...UNC does think they are awfully sweet and come basketball season Dickie V. won't shut up about then and Duke, and well, there is this fine example of Method Acting.  Who to yell for?!

Your Team (for today): Eh, UNC. At least it's a public school. If you have to. Wow.

Hmmm. Let's try a harder example:

Example: Detroit Lions vs. Minnesota Vikings

You Say: I prefer oceans with my cities, thanks. So I have NO reason to root for Detroit or the Land of 1000 Lakes

Your Fabricated Drama is: Easier than you think. Your point of reference for Detroit is the failing big 3 automakers and "Out of Sight".  You have one friend who went to Michigan State but you've never really understood why.  However one of your very best friends strapped herself to the Minnesota Bandwagon YEARS before it was fashionable simply because she liked the uniforms. If this win would make her happy, then by all means go Vikings. And even though you think that if you knew more about football you might really hate Brett Farvre in principle he is kind of cute, and those Sears commercials have been so delightfully self-effacing. Domestic Patriarch loves Viking history - uh, actual Vikings. And at the risk of being redundant, you did recently find THIS. Those are fantastic Vikings! And heck - Brenda and Brandon Walsh hailed from Minnesota. Done and done!

Your Team (for today): Minnesota Vikings while wearing Brenda Walsh's high wasted mom jeans, a body suit and man's tie.

Example: UCLA vs. USC

You Say: I've got two brain cells to rub together.

Fabricated Drama: Nearly none. You always root for UCLA. There's always another chance for 13-9.

So you see, selecting a team to root for doesn't even necessarily require much actual knowledge about Football at all. I believe this logic is what has most Ladies winning Football Pools over their more knowledgeable Patriarchs.  Next week the Lady might try her hand at this methodology in the hopes of some scratch for a makeup run.

After all, we're in a recession.